My Journey Home
Ryan Reid | Owner, Ryan Reid Photography
It is a chilly December morning as I arrive to my photography studio, nestled in a century-old building overlooking the Wall Street Theater and the rest of historic downtown Norwalk. The frigid weather doesn’t bother me much. I actually arrive to my studio in shorts as I tend to work up a sweat moving props around the studio.
As I open the door to my studio, the morning sun pierces through the sheer curtains, warming the exposed brick wall, casting a bright glow on the mid-century modern fixtures and golden accent pieces. Only months ago, the studio was just an empty office space, a blank canvas with white walls and worn carpet. Now it has transformed into welcoming space for my photography clients, business meetings and workshops.
My last boudoir client of the year will be arriving soon and it’s time to get into that deep, creative mindset. Never in my life could I have envisioned where I am right now at this very moment. A long journey that started way before the short five minute drive to the studio this morning. This journey started decades ago in the small town of Kenai, Alaska.
Growing up in Alaska, I always felt like an outsider. I was different from the other kids in school. A tall, semi-coordinated athlete, I also excelled in all things academic. I was more interested in learning about the world around me, overly concerned on how I could make an impact or be recognized for something other than my awkwardness in social situations or my curious Mormon upbringing. You could say, feelings of inadequacy and a deep-seated fear of failure have been a lifelong struggle.
I guess it’s no surprise that when life presented an opportunity to start a new chapter in the Lower 48, I gladly accepted it with that same childhood curiosity. After twenty odd years (and several states later), I found myself in Connecticut with four kids, working a semi-remote banking job in NYC and running my own photography business in Norwalk.
But even in the cozinesses of Connecticut, sometimes it can be hard to shake those childhood memories. As an artist, imposter syndrome is real. As a studio owner and photographer, I have found I’m constantly comparing myself to my peers, never feeling like I quite measure up. As a result, I pushed myself to the limit, striving for perfection in everything I did… even as it came down to the small details and accents in the studio as we prepared for our opening in early spring of 2022. A huge advocate for mental health, I knew I was ready for a reset. I needed to ground myself for this next chapter, so last July, I made the journey back home to Alaska for the first time in two decades.
For two and half weeks straight, I explored familiar landscapes that doubled as my playground when I was a kid. I reacquainted myself with people and places of my youth. Walking around the Last Frontier, camera in hand, I started to not only take in the world differently, but I began to see myself in a new light. I was no longer the insecure teenager who didn't fit in. I was a talented photographer with a deep connection to capturing beauty in its rawest form — be it the breathtaking beauty of Alaska or an empowered boudoir client in my Connecticut studio. I soon realized (now a forty-something year old man) I had been running from myself for far too long. I had been so focused on achieving success and meeting the expectations of others that I had lost sight of what truly mattered to me.
Since the journey home I look through the lens of my camera filled with a sense of purpose and belonging. I am grateful for the journey that brought me back to my home town and for the acceptance and love that I have found within myself while there.
As I look back on not only my journey back home, but also my life’s journey from the wilderness of Alaska to the concrete jungle of the East Coast, I have a newfound respect for the challenges and hardships I faced along the way. They have helped me to become the strong, resilient, and compassionate person and I am today. And although I may have left Alaska all those years ago, I now know that it will always be a part of who I am, and I will always carry a piece of it with me wherever I go.
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