Desire vs. Arousal

This is one of my favorite things to talk about with my clients!  Being aware of what these terms mean, how to ignite them and how they work for you, is GOLD.  

What is Desire?

A strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen.

In terms of sex and intimacy, this means the thought of having sex or being intimate.  AKA, feeling horny.  Wanting to have sex or do sexual things.  Hoping for sex to happen.

What is Arousal? 

The action or fact of arousing or being aroused.

To arouse is to do things that gets yourself or your partner ready for sex.  Turning them on.  Doing things that make them feel pleasure and introduce the idea that something sexual is about to happen.

So what comes first?  The chicken or the egg?

Well that depends on how you personally prefer to approach sex, AKA your Sex Drive.  If you haven't take my Sex Drive Quiz to find out what yours is, pause and do it now.

The misconception is that everyone has the DESIRE for Sex and then the AROUSAL begins.  But that is far from the truth.  For some, the arousal has to come first.  The act of getting in the mood.  Starting the process.  Foreplay.  Some of all of these have to happen before the desire for sex comes.  

Think for a second…have you ever not been in the mood, but just went for it anyway because your spouse wanted too and then at some point during the pleasure or after orgasm, you thought…dang!  That was good.  Why wasn't I in the mood before?  That is a typical thought for those that need arousal before desire.

Or maybe you often think about sex during the day, or something on a show or something you read makes you think of your spouse and then you think of them naked and all of a sudden you can't wait to get home to rip their clothes off?  Maybe not that dramatic, but you get my point.  Your desire came before your arousal!

So remember, it's not a one way street.  And take the Sex Drive Quiz to see it in action when it comes to your sex drive!

Want more fun tips? Visit my website www.jennifer-melville.com or email me at hello@jennifer-melville.com