The Weekly Spouse Meeting
Wondering why I am always talking about Communication? Because we don't do enough of it in our relationship and its the #1 thing that matters! This one practice per week will drastically change the way you and your spouse communicate, parent and even argue!
The Weekly Spouse Meeting
What is it: An intentional weekly meeting between you and your spouse to discuss life's happenings.
Why you need to do it:
So you can both be on the same page. With everything. Whats happening with the kids? What appointments or commitments do you have this week? Who is responsible for what this week? What future things need to be reviewed or discussed? What past thing do we need to process.
Reduces conflict. If you set aside time every week to review the details of life's happenings, there will be little room for miscommunication, forgetfulness or frustration. Each week the door is open to discuss the things you are struggling with and need help with.
Space to talk about YOU. Talk about the kids and what they need. Talk about the thing that they did yesterday that bothered you. And celebrate! Did you have a win at work? Did you conquer something new at the gym? Is there a personal class you want to take. Talking and sharing our lives outside of the house commitments and the kids is vital to your relationship and self when it comes to growth. You are more than just mom and dad.
What should be on the agenda:
Finances: Keeping on top of where your money is coming from and going to is EXTREMELY important so that you don’t make careless & unnecessary mistakes. Review any bills that will be due in the next week, any extra or special purchases you may need to make, and any changes that may need to make.
Appointments & Weekend Plans: This is pretty self-explanatory. What time is your appointment? What job are you doing on Thursday? Who’s got a birthday party? What day did you say you’d be late for dinner? What responsibilities do we have at church? Syncing schedules is important especially during busy seasons so you can keep track of who, what, when, where, why, and how. Less confusion and double-booking. More asking if the other person needs help or evaluating when there might be too much going on. These things do, of course, change but it prevents either of us from asking “what’s happening?” too often.
Goals & Projects Check In: Remember when you had that idea for that project you really wanted to do four months ago? Or what about your goals at the beginning of the year? This is a chance to review all the stuff we both want to accomplish collectively and separately. It can be a house project, a new habit or a weekend trip. We can ask for help, figure out what supplies are needed or research what we need to do. Do we need to save money for this activity? Should we set a deadline? What happens if it doesn’t get done? Can it wait until next week/month/year? How can I help you make this happen? These are great questions to get you to the next step in the process.
Questions and Concerns: This is the time for asking questions and presenting the stuff that may be bothering you. And since it’s an item on the agenda, it should be a safe space. No judgement, no accusations. If something is brought up that will take awhile, you may have to table it for a more appropriate time when you have the space and time to handle it better. Let this be a time of openness and honesty. This way you’re on the same page about issues and can work through them together.
Gratitude: End on a high note! Taking time to show true appreciation is showing love. And who doesn’t want to feel the love?
How to Make it Happen
1. Set a day and time: Pick a day when you can carve out at least 30-45 minutes of uninterrupted time. Both my husband and I know that Wednesdays are now off limits and any evening appointments have to be scheduled on other days of the week.
2. Set the tone: Pour a couple glasses of something you both love or you favorite dessert. This is a meeting to get important stuff done but you can also unwind together too. Play some soothing instrumental music in the background. Clear the table of dinner dishes and any other clutter. Set the tone for good, comfortable conversation. This is husband and wife team business—enjoy it!!
3. Take notes: You don’t have to take detailed minutes but at least one of you should be jotting down the main points. Keep them in a folder for future reference, you’ll be glad you did! You might also come up with to do lists you have to take care of during the week–make sure you’re writing those things down. The last thing you want is to come to next week’s meeting and say you forgot what you were supposed to get done in the past 7 days.
4. Be Kind: I’ve said it a couple times already but remember, you are a team and this meeting is about you two staying on track together. Be considerate, listen when it’s the other person’s turn to speak, don’t come with the desire to get your way. Be ready to be a team player not the coach. If you disagree on something, take time to talk it out or table it for another time. Don’t cast blame or say “I told you so.” It’s okay if you don’t solve every problem that comes up during that meeting. You may have to work through it a few times before you figure it out. This is a time to listen and share, not point fingers, belabor one another’s faults, or get your own way. Play fair and be nice!
What do you think of weekly meetings with your spouse? Is it something you already do? What do you go over? Is it something you think you and your husband need? I HIGHLY recommend it if you’re not already doing it!
