DADS DROPPING THE MIC IN THE 203
Real talk…in my experience, dads don’t seem to get a spotlight like moms do. Whether that’s in the media, publicly, privately etc., yet they ARE a vital part of my new venture called ‘MiddleMeets’ (MM) by G. (a 203 community for parents and educators of teens). There should always be room to honor dads as well. I met with some dads from my MM group to get their honest opinion on whatever they wanted to discuss and provide a platform for them to communicate anything on their mind.
IMO, I observe that moms get waaaay more recognition, accolades, etc. DON’T @ ME, YESSSSS OF COURSE MOMS ARE IMPORTANT; THIS ARTICLE IS NOT TO SAY ANYTHING NEGATIVE OR TAKE AWAY FROM MOMS! Yet in the spirit of true inclusion of, and appreciation for, are dads, other caregivers, educators, coaches etc. that play a huge role as well. Especially in a teen’s journey.
Soooo I decided to ask several local dads if there was anything they wanted people to know or any particular feelings they wish to convey to folks about being a dad; not to flex or anything…yet so we could simply know what’s on their minds. TBH, most were super excited that someone wanted to know wassup.
My Dad
Georgette and her father
My dad truly was my best friend and hero in so many ways. He set an example and practiced what he preached. He was there, yet also knew when to tend to his massive garden for a few hours to enforce his own self-care. He coached my sister and I, as well as his high school students. He volunteered for Special Olympics regularly and was the most generous man. Yet, like me, piss him off and you’d see another side (always calm, yet more intense and direct). No one is perfect yet to me, my dad is the closest to a saint I’ve ever meet. Having two girls, he always wanted to boost our self-esteem and his famous quote was “make everyday a masterpiece”. He taught me about work ethic and would send me handwritten letters when I was in college along with a carton of cigarettes (and maybe a $20 bill taped to it lol). We both smoked at the time and we both quit soon after (chill it was like ’95 and those packages meant the world to me). He just let you know that he cared any way that he could. Dad never really partied or stayed out late; and always made my mom feel so special as well. Not to mention, he was my twin (frfr- see pic). I miss him constantly, yet I smile at his memory because man, he was the shit.
Maybe that’s why, as a single mom btw, I am incredibly pro dad (some assume that I should not be which is weird in itself). Anyhoo, the point is that dads are a powerful figure in one’s life (if we’re all blessed enough to have one).
What did the locals say?!?
My dear friend Chris Ferrari—local business owner that helps me every time my Jeep sucks, plus has a crew that is reliable AF (https://fairfieldmotoworksllc.com)—is a single dad and we chop it up frequently about the challenges and blessings of raising teens. Excerpts from our lunch at the exquisite Sophie’s Pizza Bar:
“Just because us dads are behind the scenes doesn’t mean we aren’t taking care of business”. ”
I sooooo get this one. Typically, there’s one partner in a two-parent home who posts on socials the most, talks the most, is more visible or heard, brags the most, etc.
“It’s ok to just BE, not just be present in the moment, yet like PHYSICALLY be around your kids”
This one resonates because I agree, and almost every dad I spoke with said this. A GREAT reminder. I always tell people some of the best times with my teens are just watching a movie or driving them and their friends somewhere or watering plants. Observing, understanding, getting some snippets of info into the teenage brain.
G and Chris Ferrari of Fairfield MotoWorks
“I play it calm which sometimes people think is negligence, when it is totally the opposite”.
“My kids and I work as a team and I’m so proud of that”.
(Note: both attached and single dads said this one).
“I’ve learned so much more patience having a teen”.
“There’s always a reason we pick our battles with teens”.
Important reminders my friends. Chris really enlightened me, and I enjoyed the conversation.
My boxing coach and USA Boxing LBC President David Salinas added, “It’s really that fathers (and mothers) should always be celebrated, appreciated and thought about daily and not just one day per year. Sometimes the ones that do the most are not acknowledged—something to simply be aware of”.
From other local fathers
“ “Some folks still think we should be super antiquated and old school, and not show emotion and be the strong ones…which I realized was BS raising two girls and was the catalyst that helped me go to my own therapy to deal with my teen’s emotions”. ”
Gold star for this one! I fuggin LOVE this one because three gentleman I spoke with are currently in therapy (a recent topic at our last Meet featuring three local therapists that all agreed “work on YOU so you can help your teen best”).
“I always like to make sure my kids have a good time and laugh”.
This one hit because I always tell my kids to hydrate and laugh. Two important rules of life. They both make you feel better.
“I also tend to listen so much more than I talk which has caused my teen to open up to me more. Less judgment, more acceptance…within reason.”
“We might not voice as much as we can, or should, yet remember we are always thinking about our kids”.
“I try to model certain behavior and am honest about my mistakes”.
MIC DROP:
There is SO MUCH that teens today must deal with, from intense fear that they’ll not do well in school to the rankings in sports to online BS etc. etc.
In the end, these daddios don’t need, want, crave any praise or glory. Maybe ask how THEY are occasionally…or tell them they’re doing a good job when you see them on the soccer field or lend advice when you see them at CVS trying to buy tampons and looking confused.
Bottom line is to always work on yourself as a parent (whatever gender or how you identify) to better parent your kids. Thanks to the guys for sharing with me as well as being amazing parents. Maybe it is a good idea to realize that most parents or caregivers of teens typically do think generally the same about doing our best to nurture, challenge, compliment, support, model and lead our teens through example. Much love to the daddios!
