Reflecting on 10 Years of Volleyball: How I Learned to Brush Off the Bad and Focus on the Good in my Life
As I begin my final season as a collegiate volleyball player, I have started to reflect on my playing career. My journey began at age 11, and I have changed a lot over these past 10 years. Volleyball has watched me grow from a little girl to a woman; it has been a major part of my life, and I’m not quite sure how it will feel when I wake up one day and I’m just not a competitive player anymore. Although I won’t be a volleyball player forever, the lessons I’ve learned through the sport will remain with me for the rest of my life. One lesson, in particular, changed my life; I believe it could change yours too.
As a kid, I was naturally very athletic, so when I started playing volleyball in the fifth grade, I picked up on it immediately. My sister and I began playing volleyball for my grade school, St. Joseph the Worker, and like many small schools, my dad was my first coach after being coerced into it by the other parents who didn’t want to.
After an intense battle against St. Michael the Archangel, we ended up winning the big diocesan championship title. I remember screaming, jumping up and down, and singing “We Are The Champions” while eating pizza with my teammates. It was one of the greatest feelings in the world; I had never won anything before. That initial success transpired into my love of volleyball. From that point on, volleyball was mine.
The following summer, I began playing travel volleyball for a small club in Allentown, PA, where I found lifelong friends and established some of the best memories of my childhood. Club volleyball is also where many of my life lessons and self-formation began.
The memory and life lesson that sticks out the most was when I was 13 years old in a tournament at Millersville University. After 10 hours of playing in the swelteringly hot gym, my team advanced to the championship game. As a 13-year-old, this was my Olympic final. I would stop at nothing to take home the gold. That $1.69 medal from Amazon was my Lombardi Trophy. And yes, I just found the exact medal online.
If you played sports growing up, I’m sure you’ve cried over coaches, teammates, and losses. My first club coach, Sharon, was a 4’11 Irish-Catholic grandmother who just happened to be the scariest person on Earth to me then. She was a former school parole officer and volleyball coach for 30 years. Sharon was tough. One of her famous quotes included, “My grandmother can hit harder than you, and she’s dead!”
From the beginning of my volleyball journey to the end, my technique has stayed pretty consistent—my dad would probably take all of the credit.
In the first set of the championship game, a best-of-three match, I missed my serve (which was like committing a crime to Sharon), kept bumping into my teammates, and was overall very frazzled. I never played like this before. My teammates were annoyed with me, the other team was trash-talking (I don’t know how much you can really trash-talk at 13), and Sharon was on me.
I started to tear up. I was never able to hide my emotions at all. Sharon looked at the parents in the bleachers and said, “Oh look, we have a crier!” I guess parents were different eight years ago because I’m sure a mother nowadays would start a riot.
A girl on my team said, “Don’t be such a baby.”
That was the last straw. During the break between the first and second set, my 13-year-old self immediately started sobbing and ran to the bathroom.
My dad and sister followed me down the hall to console me, and my dad told me something that changed the trajectory of my volleyball career and my whole life.
“Don’t listen to any of them, they’re all just punk-ass bitches.”
I was shocked. I had literally never heard my father curse in my life.
“What?”
“Whenever anyone bothers you, just think, they’re just a bunch of punk-ass bitches. They’re P.A.B.s”
I laughed. We all laughed. It was exactly what I needed.
“Okay, yeah, they’re all just P.A.B.’s.”
This conversation changed the trajectory of my life because never in my 13 years on Earth did it ever occur to me that I could just brush something off. I didn’t have to take everything so personally. I wiped my tears, got back on the court, and ended up taking that coveted medal home with me. And ‘scary Sharon’ ended up coaching me for five years after that, which was one of the main reasons I had the opportunity to play Division 1 volleyball. We still text and talk regularly to this day.
My parents, sister and I laughed for an hour on the car ride home, and I realized that what had just transpired a few hours prior was not the end of the world. Sharon was picking on me because she knew I could do better, and my teammate was just frustrated at the moment with how we were losing.
I realized that sometimes challenges are meant to be navigated with a light heart.
‘P.A.B.’ became an inside joke with my family. Did someone cut my mom off on the highway? They were a P.A.B. That girl that didn’t invite me to her birthday party? Yes, that stung a little… but whatever, she was just a P.A.B.!
P.A.B. became a mindset; it was an internal mechanism that I used to calm me in a situation where I may feel disregarded, unappreciated or overlooked. The mindset isn’t about blaming others, not taking accountability, shouting back or even making fun of others. It’s not ‘I won’t take any criticism because anyone that corrects me or tells me I’m wrong is a punk-ass bitch!’ Not at all.
I do mess up and I can definitely be wrong. Sometimes, I’m the P.A.B. myself. After all, the minute we walk out our doors, we allow ourselves to be offended. It’s really just about whether we decide to act on our offendedness or move on. P.A.B. is more of an internal self-correction. People can be cruel. Maybe the guy who made fun of my ears in high school was just having a bad day or projecting an insecurity about himself. Nothing is ever that serious, and things are typically never as bad as they seem. I’ve met people who hold 10-year-long grudges over silly things, let a grocery store line-cutter spoil their day, or have their weekend absolutely ruined because they lost “the big game” on Saturday. Things go wrong, and it’s okay to feel and be hurt. But it’s never beneficial to dwell.
You can never feel free if you live your life just waiting to be offended. What others say reflects their own personal reality and experiences, not yours.
One of my high school volleyball coaches told me I would “never be a good setter.” I brushed it off and used it as fuel to receive multiple Division 1 offers to be a setter in college. I remember thinking, “Take that, P.A.B.”
I was pushed in the street in New York and was scolded to “watch where you’re going, asshole!” My day still went on to be a great one. I’ve been ghosted, had friendships dissolve, dealt with teachers I thought didn’t like me, and encountered not-so-friendly teammates… the same as anyone else. I have never not felt better after brushing off the bad and focusing on the good.
As I approach my final season as a collegiate player, I realize that while the game may soon come to an end, the lessons of perseverance, humor, and perspective will stay with me forever.
Whether it’s on the court or in everyday life, we all encounter challenges and negativity. The choice to let it affect us deeply or to rise above it lies within each of us.
So, to anyone reading this, remember that life is too short to dwell on every negative comment, setback, or disappointment. Embrace the setbacks as opportunities for growth, laugh off the critics as “P.A.B.’s,” and focus on the good that surrounds you. It’s not about ignoring reality but about choosing where to invest your energy and how to shape your own narrative. In doing so, you’ll find the freedom to live more joyfully, authentically, and resiliently.
As I bid farewell to competitive volleyball, I carry with me the spirit of resilience and gratitude. I feel extremely blessed and grateful to conclude my career with the Fairfield University volleyball team and I look forward to what’s next.
Keep laughing, and don’t let the P.A.B.’s get you down.
-Monica
